what i really loathe is mild mannered and reasonable.
last night i crawled into bed at ten oclock like a miserable snail. and outside of the closet i could hear people letting themselves in, to holler and search for alcohol. my roommates were gone but we have alot of great wolflike friends. at one point i wandered outside in my pajamas to watch the boys try to overturn a car. which was sort of hilarious. and i rubbed sleep out from my eyes and walked over to help them awhile. they lost interest, screaming why are we too drunk to move this car???!? and then spent some time drawing onto its windows with etching fluid. i sat on the steps, peering at them.
and its perfect. and so i couldn't sleep. and then went out into the world, two thirty am, two sweaters in the cold, police sirens allover my city, and i'm so much better at being by myself that not.
this morning the window had closed itself and i was backwards in the bed. and first, i invented a thing, because i am actually an inventor. and then i went out to steal some stuff, because i am actually a thief. and i wasn't sad, and didn't write messages using the mobile, and didn't call using the telephone, and didn't write emails using the internet, and didn't send telepathic statements with my telepathy (well maybe a small bit).
because, friends, a spell had been lifted off my head like a stack of precisely-balanced posture-traightening textbooks. because the ice chip had melted right out from my eyeball. because i am actually a scientist, with data recorded carefully into narrow-lined papernotebooks. because i actually have a Theme, and it is i think a nice mixture of fairy-tales and algorithms.
1. safety nets
2. neural nets
3. butterfly nets
it turns out i'm not that sad at all. which makes me feel kind of sad.
yours, amanda L. at 10:35 PM [+]
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1. i'm trying Haloscan.
2. and i want to marry Blogger.
anda gail lewis 2005. stop crying every day.
